I was jes goin' to give allyuh a lil piece dat been floatin' round de 'net dis week, but I really couldn' let TUCO get away wid de damn nonsense dey want to pass off as "organisation'...dem look like dey couldn' organise a way outta wet tissue paper.

On Sunday TUCO had a "Parang Lime" on de Prowler from Pier 1 Cruises. Now, all de tickets say was it cost $100, de time was 5:30pm an' yuh gettin' a free jersey. All well an' good...except about 2:00pm on Sunday dey announce on de radio dat the new time was 4:00pm! So, yuh know yuh had was to scramble jes to ensure yuh ent get leave back...except dat when yuh reach Pier 1, dem ent know what people talkin' bout de cruise leaving 4:00pm. As far as dey concerned it leaving as scheduled 5:00pm... wait, wait, wait, what yuh mean 5:00pm...ent de ticket say 5:30pm? Well anyways, de few people who did get ketch into comin' dong fuh 4:00pm did then have to suffer because dey ent have no bar facilities available as Pier 1 also having a wedding at 5:00pm.

So, eventually after a while de Mighty Baseballer AKA TUCO President turn up wid de jerseys, an' yuh know how creole does get on when it have free ting...de entrance to Pier 1 now turn into a mass of people trying to get dey size outta 2-3 black garbage bag. It coulda be worse, an' we have to be thankful fuh small mercies...but what I want to know is why dey had to do dis jersey handout in de front entrance of de people place? Why dey couldn' think to give yuh a jersey when dey take yuh ticket dong by de jetty? OK, so time to get on de boat...an' yuh better believe dat while jersey was giving out, de Mighty Baseballer was still looking for somebody to setup to take tickets!

Anyways, yuh get on de boat an' it ent have nobody welcomin' yuh,  tellin' yuh what go be happenin' nuttin. Everybody make fuh de open-air top deck an' smile when dey see de bar up dere...an' is then dey realise dey have to go back dong de stairs to get chits. Now, after yuh pay yuh $100 fuh de "Parang Lime", yuh figure at least yuh go get a lil onesy complimentary drink...maybe nex time, but not on Sunday, in fact not only yuh had was to buy yuh drinks, TUCO didn' even have 2-3 bottle of nuts or channa to pass rong de boat. Mankind siddong dere after rushin' fuh no good reason an' nearly 2 hours later (5:50pm) de boat set off...an' is not only food at was missin', up to now de nearest ting to Parang was de word 2-3 times in somebody kaiso an some bright colours clothes people was wearing.

If dat is how dey runnin' dey business, is no wonder Kaiso in de state it is. Worse yet, is how dey treat poor Almanac...dey have de man push in a corner by heself, nobody ent lookin' after him, lookin' to see if he need a drink...if he did get 2 sweetdrink fuh de whole trip he get plenty...if he was diabetic he woulda pass out fuh sure. De only time he move is when dey take him up on de top deck when de live 'voice over' performances was taking place. TUCO allyuh have to shape up if yuh want people to take yuh serious, I see yuh havin' yuh AGM on Saturday at Strand...

Dat promising to be more entertainment than any show Strand had in years, unfortunately I feel it go be a Tragi-Comedy, the 10th in a continuing series.


=============


A Simple Friend vs A Real Friend vs A Caribbean Friend

A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.
A CARIBBEAN FRIEND CAUSE DE DAMN TEARS IN DE FUS PLACE

A simple friend doesn't know your parent's first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.
A CARIBBEAN FRIEND KNOW WHERE DEY LIVIN', WHAT DEY COOKIN' ON WHAT DAY, AND WILL SHOW UP AT THEIR DOORSTEP, eat dey food, bring some home in dey plastic (sunflower butter) container
and never bring it back)

A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real friend comes early to help you cook and clean
A CARIBBEAN FRIEND COME LATE, BRING A SET OF PEOPLE AND THEN TALK ABOUT YOU WHEN ALL DE FOOD AND BOOZE DONE

A simple friend hates it when you call after they have gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.
A CARIBBEAN FRIEND SCREENIN' DE CALL AND DOH ANSWER WHEN IS YOU

A simple friend seeks to talk with you about their problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.
A CARIBBEAN FRIEND WILL LISTEN TO YOUR PROBLEMS AND CRY WID YOU, EVEN OFFER TO HELP YOU, THEN TELL EVERYBODY AND ADD A LITTLE MORE JUICE TO THE STORY

A simple friend wonders about your romantic history,
A real friend could blackmail you with it.
A CARIBBEAN FRIEND WILL BLACKMAIL YOU AND STILL TELL EVERYBODY

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.
OH GOSH...A CARIBBEAN FRIEND OPEN YUH FRIDGE, CLEAN IT OUT, COMPLAIN YUH AIN'T HAVE ENOUGH, THEN TELL DE WHOLE NEIGHBOURHOOD DEY MOUTH WAS DRY

:+:+:+:+:+:+:+::+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:

BACKCHAT: Issue 46

Tants: I am so vex, I could spit, but that would no doubt be considered "low class", and conjure up unhappy images of the "gutter." Take that harpy off your mailing list, so that the rest of us who are not as linguistically challenged could enjoy your wonderful, refreshing commentary! If you print my response to the unfair criticism, let that unhappy writer know that there is a missing comma in the correspondence:) Don't stop - we love you.
//Trinidad

I don't mind you enjoying all this good curry in my absence. However, remember, you don't want to put on any more weight. Carnival coming in less than two months or so, and you have to fit in that costume. So hold some strain on the second helpings.
//Hotmail user

Doh, study dem, Tanty, de little off colour language does take we out of de proper english ting we ha' to take in de office. It more important to teach de chiren good manners and polite behaviour dan perfect english. Deh could learn both. Most ah we grow up learning both and we ent backward. Keep up de good wok man. We 
does enjoy it.
//Trinidad

Tantie....I thoroughly enjoy your "TALKS" !!! Your Diary is so informative & interestingly written. Thanks for keeping us up-to-date. I read the comments about the 'dialect' in which you choose to communicate. Personally, I enjoy the Trini 'language' when used 'occasionally' (because it can be amusing), but to use it "all de time" can be a 'tun off'. It has a greater impact when used to emphasize a point. "yuh ketch mi driff"!!! Looking forward to reading you again soon
//Trinidad

I actually do not live that far away to miss my country that much - Jamaica, but life and people and the dialect here are so different that reading tantie, makes me long for home!
Thank you.
//Jamaica

Tantie, i cannot understand what's the problem with dialect. All these trinis seem ashamed or disgusted by it. It is all part of the charm of our culture. They must know that we have become educated enough to know when, where and how to use it. In the context that you do, it is appropriate. Maybe they should get dey bang up ass off ya mailin list nah.......
//Trinidad

I felt I should send a sign of life from the Trini living in far away Switz to comment on the dialect one reader is not so proud of. I too being an ex SAGHS girl and raised by a rather conservative family thought that our intelligence was relected by the way we speak. I can tell you that I was knocked off my feet living here in Switzerland to see how the Swiss are very proud of their dialects (they have many) and make no bones about it. They all learn German at school and even have to some extent on certain chanels the reports in their dialect. They seldom (unless asked to) make an effort to communicate in proper German. A trini accent is not enough....we should be proud of who we are...speak openly our dialect but at the same time know when we have to use Oxford English both written and oral!! Enjoy your festivals in true trini style.
//Switzerland

Miss Tantie:
Ah had it was to remark what a stroke of genius yuh do dey to jux to pose (and yes ah know de right spellin is juxtapose) de letter from anal retentive Trinidad who lambase yuh fuh using "gutter language" with living a life Trini who explained the  beauty of my dialeck!
Hear nah...I fuh one will advocate de teachin of proper english in we school and dem, Lord alone know dat enough so call journalists cyah spell or grammaticize to save dey life, but miss tantie, when it come to hearing speaking or reading my dialect nutten could proud meh more.
So fuh all ah allyuh who cyah release dat las piece of tootoo because allyuh bamsee squeeze so tight, ah happy dat allyuh could speaky spokey de english better dan de queen self, but respeck my mudder tongue yuh hear meh! Realise dat every nation have dey own dialect and just accept what is we own. Chuts man!
//Hotmail user 

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